they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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