I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
