Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
