I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
