I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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