I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
