Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
