i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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