You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
