I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
