Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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