do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
