Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
