I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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