I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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