so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
