yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
