Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
