He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
