If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
