we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
