i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
