2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
