New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
