I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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