I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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