Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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