I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
