It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
