so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
