you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
