nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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