I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
