apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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