I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
