FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
