Where did you get a picture of my penis
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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