I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
