just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
