If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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