ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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