I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
