We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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