plz talk dirty to me
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
