Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
