all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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