You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
