once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
