Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
