So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
