Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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