I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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