i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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