Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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